4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
