Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
