Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
