Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize