How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
