based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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