So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So much Jack, so little girl.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize