i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
