I'm drive I can fine osifer
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I supernannyed him into submission
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
