I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
