Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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