Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
