No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
