my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
