Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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