So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
