I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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