If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
