I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
