Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
