PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
