There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
