Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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