I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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