Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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