we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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