I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
