I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
