Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
