just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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