someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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