oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
