Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
