I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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