rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
