i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
