U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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