white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
