Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it's like iHOP with fire
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
