i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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