He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize