yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
