Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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