Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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