I'll bet she douches with gravy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
