i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
