you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
