If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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