i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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