Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
