everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
why do cheetos always look like penises
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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