I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
