Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
