I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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