I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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