like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
