They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
