i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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