she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize