You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
