smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
