Little spoons don't ask big questions
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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