you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
