I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
