All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
birth control should be required to get into college
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize