My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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