I wish life had little blips of pornography
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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