Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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