You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
