Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
