so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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