Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She told me I should be a condom model.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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