They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
