I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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