I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
