so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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