i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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