after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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