Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
