bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize