just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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