this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
