you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
