i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
