Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
